Intimate Partner Violence

domestic violence

Am I in an Abusive Relationship?

Abuse looks different in every relationship, but a common factor is a partner that wants to control and devalue you. Abuse may be physical, sexual, psychological or financial. It’s just as common among same-sex couples as it is among heterosexual couples. Abusive behavior can be subtle and may develop over time. 

Four Ways to Find Out

1.  Watch these videos to help you identify abusive behavior.

2.  Use the anonymous, free One Love MyPlan app to determine if your relationship is unsafe and create a safety plan. You can also chat live with a trained advocate 24/7.

3.  Ask yourself if your partner:

  • Checks your phone or email without permission
  • Is cruel, critical or puts you down
  • Shows extreme jealousy, possessiveness and/or insecurity
  • Has an explosive temper
  • Punches walls, throws things, drives fast to scare you
  • Has physically hurt you in any way (or threatened to)
  • Isolates you from your family and friends
  • Accuses you irrationally
  • Has severe mood swings
  • Tries to control what you do/think/wear/say
  • Pressures you to have sex
  • Makes you feel like you’re going crazy 

4.  The fact that you’re reading this page may be reason enough to know that your relationship has reached an unhealthy point. Remember – you are not alone. We are here to help.  

Additional Tools

Dating Basics

Is This Abuse?

Power and Control Wheel

LGBT Abuse

National Domestic Violence Hotline


How to Get Help

Emergency: Call 911

24/7: Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline 24/7 at 800-799-7233 or chat with them here. 

UCR: Call our CARE Advocates (951-827-6225). CARE Advocates know it takes time to leave an abusive relationship. They're here to help you feel supported and stay safe.

How to Make a Safety Plan

While you can’t control your partner’s abusive behavior, you can take action to keep yourself as safe as possible.A safety plan is an individualized, practical guide that lowers the risk of harm. It can help you make changes that keep you safer at school, home and work.


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